Peace is finding me with leaving you

 My friend told me. "You will know when it's time". I never fully understood that until last night. I'm done. I know I've said it before. But there is a peace inside me. I'm ready to close the chapter and file. It's no secret I've told you we are done. And in rare times you will say " I want to get us back and I don't know how I know. I need to fix things with me". But not a single thing ever changes.

I wondered what triggered last night that my heart had flipped to an actual,  I'm free of guilt and no longer scared to leave you. I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to let you go and start living my life. You living alone as you grow old is not my problem, in fact, I think that's who you are, a solo man.   Your loneliness does not fall on me if that happens.  I no longer feel guilty. I am free of that. 

I thought maybe it was "A" from your work. That perhaps your text message of a picture  with an empty space in your cup sitting next to hers is what triggered this. And maybe a small part of it is. Afterall, you actually admitted deleting text messages with her. And you gave me an excuse " that they were not work related and that this would happen". Of course you never take responsibility. It's always something because of me. It's never you.   And I don't think she's interested in you and I don't think you have a shot in bloody hell with her or her leaving her bf.  In fact, I don't even know if you want her as a relationship. I think it's more of a lust on your end and maybe something flirtatious going on between you both. Regardless, I really don't give a fuck.  I think what happened in the text messages following the topic of  "A" is how yesterday found me in my heart. Once again in texts, I mentioned *we can date fuck talk and do whatever we want, that friends and roommates seems to work for you and that we needed to file a dissolution and why did you marry me when we could stay friends and roommates?*

The fact that for multiple times, you completely ignore it.  You don't even respond. You just don't give a fuck.  So why should I. 

I stated I thought you liked the idea of marriage, but it just wasn't who you are. 

For you to not respond to any of that, you don't care at a level that I cannot comprehend. I literally cannot comprehend how you just don't give a fuck

So when people ask you why it ended here you go...

1. Honestly it was over and doomed before "I do" taking pictures of girls asses in public. Following them in the store to capture pictures of their asses. And I do believe a couple after I found in your phone. 

2. Paying onlyfans when you had no job, no income. Your childhood best friends daughter. 

3. Joining sites to look and whatnot 

4. No intimacy. Not just sex, no hugs, touching, kissing, none of it. Nothing. Zero. Yet you continually look outside us at other woman online 

5. Social media sluts/asses

6. Alcoholism. You're a huge asshole after 2 beers. Like walking on landmines. 

7. Domestic violence. Make excuses all you want. Pushing me off a bed. The encounter up and down our house, because I single hand pushing your back shoulder. That's not equal force. You choke holded me. You tackled me to the ground 

8. Inability, unwilling to communicate in a civil manner 



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