Text I didn't send after our last text about ring

 I didn't sleep at all last night. I'm going to buy a new mattress topper for a queen size bed and I will just bring it home when I'm done.

I do have one final thought in regards to us. I don't believe there is us to ever get back to. It was never truly an authentic relationship. We have never celebrated an anniversary. Never. We completely ignored this one. Three years. This is supposed to be the golden time the good times. I can't make you love me the way that you should love a  spouse or romantic partner. And I can't make you stop looking at sluts, or the level of drinking, I told you I would not tolerate or can deal with after 25 years with Scott .

I don't know how to move forward exactly but I need a clear line and I need an honest line and that is that we are friends and roommates. And you have made that abundantly clear to me and every action that is all you were willing to provide to me.  I can't allow deluded hopes that will get us back because we've never were really an authentic us. So I don't know what we would be getting back to. You're never going to give things up. This is part of you. And I know what you're attracted to and none of that is me, and frankly never will be. I don't have problem attracting other men because they do find me desirable. I'm just not your cup of tea. And I don't say any of this out of anger. I'm not angry anymore. I just need peace and love in my life. And I always want to be transparent with you.

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