Why the Lies?

 If you wanted Rum....why not just open the bottle we brought home? Why go to the lengths of having to go buy the exact kind at a store, so I don't know.  The alcoholics hide more than drinking and it's true.

I never expected you to "STAY HOME" when I am gone. In fact the contrary, go out and enjoy some time, see friends, go out, just be loyal, just be honest. Is that too much to expect? I don't think so. But for whatever reason, you hide it.  

Like hiding you only worked 1/2 day the Wednesday after our blow up. You were even messaging me and I helped you with phone information going back and forth with AirBnB while I worked, but never did you say "I am going to call it a day from work and get this taken care of" I would have understood, but nope, you didn't do that. In fact you rolled in around the normal workday and time and walked in the door like you came in from work. Well Played, but I knew. Why Lie?

You want to know what I am doing, where I am going and who I meet, but you don't care enough to ask about these things later. I don't owe you where I am going, and I certainly don't owe you the truth. But you get it, why? Because I have nothing to hide. Not a thing.

I am not staying.  I am not NOT staying for many reasons but the number one is communication. You are incapable, unwilling to communicate and work on this marriage.  You just stick your head in the sand and after a day you emerge like nothing happened.  Well, one of these days you are going to put your head above the sand and everything will be different.  

I really hope you get your credit cleaned up so you can have a decent and nice place to live.  Maybe we can have shared custody or you can have Stitch at times. I know you love him, I know he loves you and I am not looking to hurt or punish you., but you have to understand, you are drowning me in sorrow. And I have to cute the rope soon and come up for air.  

Reasons I am leaving you:

 - Communication. It's gone. Like zip zero none, gone. And you don't care enough about me or our marriage to communicate

-Blame Game.  You do nothing wrong. It's never you, it's me.  

- Girls & Porn.   Don't know if you ever truly stopped. In a healthy relationship, looking at opposite sex and porn is not an issue. But when you save pics, you hide that you save pics, you have paid to see. That's a problem. One I want no part of. It's insulting to me, it's insulting to our passionless marraige. I respect you are not attracted to me and hope on day you find one of those hot babes. And I will find a man that sees me as you see them.  I wish you well. You are not ugly, but you are hardly a perfect model.

-Alcohol.  Don't say you didn't know.  I told you when we met my tolerance, you said you only drink that much because you are bored. But here you are, Mr Asshole when you get as little as 2 normal cans. You hide it, you lie about it.  You are sneaky. If you were not an alcoholic, these things wouldn't happen .

- Travel.  You ruin our vacations for me. I work hard to paying for them, working my bones off, I plan nice things and I wanted to spend a life with you traveling. But you ruin them with alcohol and negativity.  I want to travel to relax, to see the world with someone. This is not enjoyable. You said we would be "US again in Jamaica" (February all inclusive) well that was a mother fucking joke.


I will have that life. I may never re-marry, I'm tired of legalities that cost to get out of, lies, facades, illusions. But there is a man in my life that will love me for me, not what I come with, a man that will  love the sea and travel and smile and be gracious of our life.  I won't be a maid, but I will be a partner. 


You wanted non of this.

Your wanted a maid, a financial partner, you wanted vacations. You want a woman that is quiet and one you can bully around. I hope you find her. That is not me.


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