While I was with J

 I had mentioned going to my friends "J" and doing Ariel yoga , said I may even spend the night, but in your defense that was weeks ago, it just never worked out.  Until last week.  I had no interest or even reason of telling you too soon, because you wouldn't remember anyways so I told you the day I left I was gonna spend the night with her and maybe the next night as we plan on making a couple girls days.  J and I first day we had a nice morning walk and just enjoyed some chill time with coffee, finally we headed to our spa appt when your text came in , asking what our adventures were and if I had pics.  I showed her my phone and we burst out laughing.  J was my roommate on the girl trip, her husband is MIA also, but least  not a angry alcoholic or a liar. We decided to send our husbands our pretty (or so we thing) picture of us and see if and how our husbands responded.  Hers said "nice pic", you said "Looks like fun". My epic mermaid pic everyone raved about you never even commented how your wife...aka me looked, another time I felt let go of.  J says to me when I show her the text "fuck him don't him shit, now he cares"?  She's right.  You don't care. Why do you even want to know or ask? Or do you think I"m hooking up with a guy? And had I was, would you even care? No, not as long as your situation changed.

I asked you via text, "you didn't send me pics of your adventures when I was in NC"..  you responded (not even fucking joking" "I DON"T SEND PICS CAUSE I DON'T GO ANYWHERE EVEN WHEN YOU ARE GONE".....  are you fucking kidding me.  Lie.  Already said you had been to to Z'''y's and F"'''rs........   so I text back "Really not sure why you lied about going to Z or F'rs, wasn't a big deal and I never expected you to sit home".....I told him we were getting manicure and pedicure.  Sent two pics...you respond "What are you talking about? Lied when".....  do you lie that much you don't even remember?  I have factual proof. I say, you ask for pics and don't even comment.....I think say my nails look good..you "they do look good"

why do I fucking keep doing this wit you? I see my typing and think maybe I am the moron. Because here I am typing this because ....well I fucking don't know.

 

Once home I found you went to the casino. Again, I don't care. Never did.  I ask...not clue why were honest but you were and said yes......

 

I say....You know, we sit around most evenings and do nothing. we really don't do anything on the weekends, I am surprised that we haven't gone to the casino. But I think it's pretty clear. We are both living independently and we are simply roommates. Moving forward we have to respect boundaries and not ask either other where each other goes, just let each other know if we will be late home or overnight.

 you responded you had money from  your bday, what made you ask anyways? 

you are missing the point I said.  I'm just glad you were honest.

and again, you said "I didn't miss the point, and you never answered what made you ask in the first place. seems like an out of the blue question unless you already knew

I came back with "it's comical that's what you zero in on, what made me ask.  It doesn't' matter what made me ask, you never asked how I knew about Z or F.  

I had asked at home what you ate....you said "Oh, I grabbed some Salisbury steaks and had them at home, washed the one fork"  You are either a bigger moron than I ever thought or you think I'm a fucking idiot

So you buy 2 salisbury steaks....okay, let's say you used cash for shits and giggles.  So you have a couple, neither produces any packaging or trash, you washed ONE fork, DRIED one fork, PUT AWAY one fork.  Ummmmm.....what happened to the trash? It was the same when I left, the outside trash hadn't changed or recycling. You never fucking do dishes when I'm gone, yet you did one fork? Wash, dry and put away but hell with the two cups in the sink. Okay.  You are a fucking moron. And a liar.

so in that text I say "Listen, you and I, we are roommates. That's it.  Legally married right now. Let's just remain friends and set some boundaries. I won't ask you again what you do or did, You are welcome to share, we use to. Same applies on my end.

I'm not mad. No problems . Just want to live peacefully and happy. We both deserve that.

But you and me, as a couple. That ship sailed so you don't need to pretend.  Because I have to stop thinking and beating myself up over you and us. it's over. You made that choice. And I've accepted it. So let's just keep it simple moving forward.

At no point did you ever address any of the key important relationship issues.  How did I know about the casino and you didn't lie about Z or F'rs.  Since then you just go about your normal, hiding and lying and pretending.

Do you actually think this marriage is gonna last? Do you? I mean you've not seen me naked in 3 mths, no showers, no long kisses, no touching in bed. We've had no intimacy in over a year and a half. Everything I've said, everything I've texted. Nope. 

the last important text, for you say "you haven't said anything..." here you go....

"it's all cool I don't wanna keep dwelling on this crap. I am sorry that we can't talk face to face about things. It just doesn't seem to work. o all i have is text but I thin things are fine you know i will always talk or anything else"

Ideally, I wish I could tell you face to face. But one sentence out you would toss your head back and said "DO WE HAVE TO DO THIS NOW" If I forced it. You'd sit, you'd end of screaming and yelling and walking away. Because that's what you were do when you don't want to listen, talk or figure something out.

You are happy. How could you not be? You have a maid, cheap house, free health insurance and a roommate. I don't ask or push for intimacy, I do the billing. I plan the trips. You pretty much do you, porn, little 20s girls, hide your beer, drink your beer, your stupid phone games, cigarettes.  and if you won't want to hear anything you blow up and say it's my fault.

You have had so many chances to make this marriage work if you loved me.  If you wanted a life with me as a husband and wife. You choose this. You presented this picture to me and I was stupid enough to look past the red flags because I loved you, and I was dumb enough to believe you loved me the same. Shame on me. But I'm not staying married to you.