Happy Birthday Dear

 Today is your birthday.  How could I forget that. Same date every year.  One day after my "Special Day".  My "Special Day" has always been more important than my birthday. And had you listened to me, you'd have remembered that. But why would you remember? You barely listen to me as your nose is nearly always buried deep in the phone or TV has your attention. You didn't even remember my 50th birthday.  No gift, No card, I got a call about 2 hours after you were at work saying you are sorry, Happy Birthday. I'm sure your friend told you as he's on my facebook. But regardless. Nothing was celebrated. It was like any other mundane be quiet A day.  Yesterday came and went. My first "Special Day" without my dad. I cried and cried. But you had no idea. Why would you even care?  My mom took me for a nice lunch, many people texted or messaged me. They remembered. But not you.

I woke up this morning and instantly thought of your bday. That's how much you mean to me. I told you right away. Yesterday I told you I would take you to dinner as I've sat aside some money for this. You picked a bar dive to eat. Wonderful (insert eye roll)  I guess I had hoped on your last birthday we celebrate together it would have been a better place to eat.  Maybe if you knew this was the last you'd pick somewhere different. Or maybe you'd not even go.  

I haven't got your a gift yet, let's face it, you've not really like anything I've ever got you, maybe some tools. So this year I will get your specialty beer you like, Shinerbock or something.  And a card.

I've really tuned into something lately, it's not that we don't just really have conversations but you don't even listen most the time. You will ask something, or we may be talking and suddenly you are gone , typically in your phone, others TV, and I will stop mid sentence and you don't notice, I will than say, Okay than. And you don't even blink. You've already tuned me out. Because of this, I don't even talk much anymore. My guess is you like that. You probably think things are good, although I have no idea how you would.

You didn't know my mom took me to lunch for my special day.  You didn't know about how I cried and cried after my call with my son telling me his wife feels threatened that I refer to their child as "MY grandchild".  I have just all out stopped telling you things....because you don't listen anyways. So why waste my breath.  

My mom says I should hold out and stick this through. She really likes you. But she doesn't know about how my one push led to you to full out attack mode.  She doesn't know a lot. Because telling her would only make a mom worry. So she doesn't get it.

I've contacted a couple divorce attys for free consult.  I don't know when, or what I want to do. But losing myself has to stop.

It's not been over a month since you have seen me naked

Over a month since we showered

well over a month since a long kiss

And you either have not noticed or are relieved.

WHY did you lie to me Husband#2, I left a home, kids, dogs and a life that was better lived there, for YOU.  I wasn't the light at the end of your tunnel. That was connie.  You know, someone you would never tell me about.  I wasn't Maggie who you looked for first, someone else you told me you would explain.  I was just the girl that always loved you and you took advantage of that.


In September I will let you know, that I am going to spread my wings and do more of me and less of this , whatever "THIS" is. I'm not looking or wanting to meet anyone. But could you blame me if I noticed another man or cheated? I don't think you'd even care. If you did it would only because it is a threat to your "Living condition". Not me. Because if you cared, that convo almost 6 months age would have changed. 


A person on a FB divorce support group said this, when replying to Original Poster how to present divorce..... "Well, since you don't even accept that there are significant issues that we need to address, which means they will not get addressed, I'd like a divorce"   Simple, direct , to the point and bullseye.

Things will never change and I have one leg off the roller-coaster.

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