Have a Sample

 Of all the fights.  The yelling. The pushing me off a bed.  This is what I recall that hurt the most.

His hands firmly placed on my shoulders, feeling his thumbs at my collar bone as I am being rushed backwards by him pushing me. Than it happened, my head hit the the sound wave frame. And my heart sunk. I was filled with fear. Was my beloved and new sound-wave picture in a frame broke?  After all, I had only had it less than a month. A remembrance of my father for his favorite song, "This Magic Moment".  I remember after my head hit it, he let go and walked back down the hallway. From there, that's when it became a throw down.

If anyone had told me, this would be my life at 50, I would have said they are crazy.  People don't stay with people that physically hurt them. I've overlooked so much more.  It wasn't like this 3 years ago.  He wasn't like this. Sure there was red flags.  But he promised, "you won't regret marrying me.  Things will get better".  I've regretted it almost everyday since those words. I've become lost inside my own spirit.  I've learned to just be quiet and avoid the eggshells.  

I know we won't make it.  I desire to be happy.  To be loved on all the levels a wife should be loved.  I long for far more than I will ever get.  I just don't know how to get out.  

So maybe we should start at the beginning.  And perhaps along the way, I will find out my "WHY" and my plan..

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