Finally...Monday

 This weekend was tough.  It proves no matter what I'm always going to be looking over my shoulder for sluts and porn.  Makes me enjoy a sober you.  The reality is, it's short lived.

You did delete your recently deleted slut and porn.  I wonder what your excuse would have been if I said something...well, I know it would have been my fault for looking. But I'm sure you would have had a whitty lie.

This blog always wont be filled with anger. In order to let go, heal, move on and truly accept you are going, it means posting the good time, which sadly were short and not completely real on your end.

I laugh at your slut inbox, your private account.  There were so many things suggested by G, and asked by me.

New Email(s)

Close or No longer use Private bank account

No more subscriptions/joining/viewing/paying. 

Stop being a straight up asshole after 4 beers.

Let's communicate without you yelling

But you know, we did say early on when we started talking that at our age people don't change. And you won't. I won't.  Of course these are habits, and habits can change. But let's be real. I'm after cigarettes, beer, porn, hot lil young girls, and staying with you, I'd have to accept that. And I've struggled with that for nearly 3 years trying to be your number 1.

Since July 2020 we've had sex 5 times.

1. Once at home before we got a bed, on a air mattress

2. Home

3. Wedding Night

4. Yucatan

4. March 26th, 2022. Last time at home. Last time it will ever be.

The only time you have actively went for any medical help is when I actually scheduled your appt. The first time you were going to tell your family dr. But guess it slipped your mind and you forgot. So I found urologist and made appt.  Any time something didn't work is the only time you'd reach out to dr. Basically to shut me up.

I've told you, it's not sex, it's not orgasms, it's not oral sex or toys. It's passion. It's long kisses in bed, sensual touch. It's hard to describe exactly what passion is between to romantic partners when it should be natural.  It's gliding your hand across a body, little kisses, it's wrapped up naked. I've been over this so many times, I've broken the record a million times and beat the dead horse to a skeleton and what do you say? "I don't know what stops me" "I need to talk to someone or go back to dr".  You say you have no sex drive. But come on husband #2....you have enough to drives you to your little girl sluts and porn. You just didn't have it for me.

Sure maybe int he beginning you did, after-all, new is exciting. Than it became a mission to make this permanent but after my ring it became excuses of fatigue and driving 4 hours back and forth and our relationship not being all about sex. Than it was I have a medical issue to now "I have no sex drive, I don't know what stops me"  

What surprises me in March is I told you if things don't change, I'm stepping outside the marital circle and will cheat. I need passion. Absolutely nothing changed and you said there at the table last night and pretty much stuck your head in your beer.  Less then 2 weeks later when I took you to work that morning, I had the same convo. "I don't want to cheat on you" I said.  And you replied half assed "I know you don't"...seconds later "I don't want you to either"  I told you 1/2 my life is gone and I don't intend on spending what's left with no passion and that it's clear you and I are not on the same wave of wants and passions. We feel differently about each other.  The only real honest reply you had was this "Do we have to do this before I go to work"?  Yea, that's what was important.  On the drive home, I decided not to address any of this anymore. I've been on this fucking merry-go-round for a over 2 years and apparently it's never leaving the circle.  

So when it's said and done, it will be so nice for you. You know longer will have to hide your sluts and porn, you can do them opening, never having to delete any pics.  You can subscribe as much as you want, pay. The slut world awaits you with no restraints.  But you don't get both. So I'm giving you to the online girls. Enjoy


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Let the sluts begin.....

Image
 Intuition is strong.  But so can be paranoia.  But a zebra never looses his stripes.  People get comfortable if you wait long enough.  People get lazy and slip up and that's how they get caught if they care and try not to.   But it started a few months ago, little things....out longer at night with phone....switching off a screen quickly.  Once I saw a reflection across the table from his glasses of something that looked of sluts sense.  Why would I expect him to change? Well, I don't. And I didn't. Because at this age, most of us are who we are. Can habits stop? Absol-Fucking-lutly .  But that only happens when YOU the person wants to change for YOU.  So knew. In time. I found these in his phone.  I know what you may be thinking.....his phone is private and I invaded his privacy.  Had I confronted husband #2, he would have blew the fuck up that I went through his phone pics. It's never his fault.  It's my fault....
Read more

While you got ready for your work breakfast, smokes and wake up

 The physical pain is unreal. It eats away at your brain and emotions more than the physical pain...or so it feels. I barely sleep, I'm in pain, I wake up in pain. I get my coffee and sit for a few. I start the dishes. I start making my breakfast and lunch and things together for a 10 hour day with R you don't even know. I collect the trash, and take it to the street. I gather the recycling and take to the street. I know you hear me in the garage but your phone trumps. I put the dishes away and washing up more, you come in and say "are you mad at me"? No, I say, I'm really not. I hurt, I'm lonely , depressed and even resentful how little you here as you scramble to get together your work breakfast cookout for your friends and my mind drifts to your not so secret friend A at work, wanting to ask, what will she bring? But does it matter, no? She's not married like you stated.  Will you send her a picture of your breakfast to her text. My mind goes to Ziggys ...
Read more

Pinterest sluts sore

Image
 I don't get it.  You are doing things for me, going out of your way.  But you are not interested. I left you a note so when you clear your search you can read it. Happy Crafting  in anything outside friends. So why do you still wear your wedding ring?  What are we doing ?  I hope some day you find a red headed Asian soccer player and can have some banging fuck and throw back some beers and smoke away. What a wonderful life that would be for you.  But me? I'm not want you want. The only part of what you want from me is maid, buddy, cheap house and dog. That's not marriage. How could you think that's what I would want?   
Read more