Early Red Flags

As I move forward with daily blogging, I have a lot to catch you up on so you understand where I am day to day.  So be patient, I'll try to add some humor, after all if you can't laugh at yourself, what's the point at all?

 

I remember the first time I saw him.  I was 19.  I had went to the break-room to start my day.  And there he was sitting there, cute as can be. Just like I liked them, dark hair and tanned skin.  That would be my kryptonite.   

I was always fooled by the boys that looked cute.  And that day as a 47 year old woman, he sent me a text "Is this Angie?", somehow I knew instantly it was him.  A smile filled my face as I tried to conceal it so nobody would see that I was sitting with.  What emerged quickly unfolded and here I am today. Looking back at all the earliest red flags.

Red Flag 1 - The 2nd day we spoke on the phone, he was drunk that night.  And he was quite irritable.  We had uncovered and went over many reasons why our 2 year relationship as young adults ended.  Our life until that time, marriages, relationships, the quest to be happy.  He apologized the next day for his behavior.  So theoretically, that was my first red flag.

After my first husband, I swore I would never marry someone that even remotely teetered on the line of drinking to much.  I've done that roller coaster a million times and once I'm off, I'm off. But apparently I like roller coasters because I got back on another one with husband #2.

No girl dreams of getting divorced, let alone getting divorced twice.  No little girl dreams of multiple weddings, mistakes and heartaches.  The only dream I had was a husband, house, kids and no financial stress.  But if you don't leave the amusement park, roller coasters will always surround you.

 

Red Flag 2- "DING"..... "DING"....that now annoying bell when you go in and out of a convenience store. Heard that nearly every weekday.  For his big can or two of beer.

Now I know many men and woman like to have a drink when they get home.  So just bare with me.  1 of his large beers is actually 2 normal.  After 2 beers, no food, that's actually 4 beers, the personality change triggers.  Now I'm almost a professional alcoholic sniffer.  My dad went through alcoholism.  He was a easy drunk.  He just fell asleep. Not happy, not sad, not mad, not anything.  Just fell asleep.  But he quit when I was in high school.  And  maybe part of me is a big daddy's girl, but I don't recall anything bad except my moms behavior towards him during his cycle.  

My 1st husband.  He was a nice drunk that slurred.  If you would yell at him, he'd smile and say "Okay Okay" as the words slurred out of his mouth.  He'd drink at work, drive home with a buzz.  He's hide the beers in the garage and I'd find them later.  That was the biggest reason I left. And I said "Never again".  Now you know what I see ahead right? An amusement park with a big blinking sign above the next roller coaster that says "Here I am".

Because here I am.  On alcoholic husband #2. Yay me, feel like there is a cheer-leading squad as I exit the ride waiting for me.  

Husband number 2 is a nasty mean drunk.  When he starts drinking, that's it, he don't want to stop, no food, but more beer. Now not every time.  Typically in a average day it's 1. But like every roller coaster in the world there are many ups and down, loopty loops and sideways turns.  Heck, some even go backwards. Which seems to be where I am at now.   When husband #2 is drunk, he's short fused.  He's excitable, but only on negative topics. He will circle the same thing over, and over, and over again. And than repeat the over and over part.  He grumbles under his breath. As if a demon is in there.  Watching TV and I hear grumbling.  Husband #2 is not a person to trigger when drunk.  Heck, on a sober level you shouldn't trigger him. He is defensive, but drunk version isn't just defensive, he didn't just not do it, YOU DID IT. You are doing it on purpose. It's not him, it's you.  It's me. And his voice raises and at this point you are best to shut up.

Red Flag 3- Perfect little asses.  You know, the ones that all the girls want, the size 6, but not flat, perfectly rounded as if squats are part of a coffee routine.  I found many pictures he took of women's asses in public.  He told me "It's something stupid the guys an  I do at work". I ask him what he means by this?  Very confusing.  "it's like, Hey look what I found at Home Depot" and we show each other the pictures".  Me, in denial, but something isn't right, asks about seeing these texts. He deletes them.  I ask why they are in his own email sent to himself.  He stated because he didn't want them in the gallery because at work someone could see.  I went with it. I don't know why I did. But I did.  And it never made sense. But we were engaged and I figured........wait, I didn't figure anything. Pure stupidity on me.

Red Flag 4 - Bought this house, everything changed.  In 3 years, we've had sex 5 times. The list of excuses are entirely too long this early on, but I'll get to it.  And it's not even no sex, it's no intimacy.

May 2021.  We got married in Vegas.  Took all the above baggage with me to start our life.